Turned Yellow

Fariza Saidybek

I turned yellow — day by day, my strength dissolves,
Knotted thoughts — like vipers
Siphoning the blood from my heart.
I’m burning out, a candle reaching its end,
As warm tears fall — I let them freely flow.
Oh, how long the days, how bitter and unkind,
The nights — like poison poured into my mind.
I breathe, I move, I speak, I laugh in pain,
And yet I know — I’ll never live again.
Why do you beat and beat, heart of mine?
A ruined body will not rise with time.
This yellowish slush fills my veins, not blood —
Don’t speak of healing — It’s far too late for that.
The light in my eyes has turned to stone,
Black seems like white, and white has turned to clay.
My cheeks, once flushed like fruit in summer sun,
Have paled to ash — their ripeness all undone.
This pain soaked through me, limb to aching limb,
Two months I’ve burned in silence, raw and dim.
By day I see no Sun, by night no Moon.
My soul longs for release, but my body in chains.
The torment grows — it boils, it will not cease,
And Death stands near me, arms spread in embrace.
“Let him suffer more!” it seems to say,
It smiles, and counts its steps across the floor.
Creator! Is there no swift death for me?
Strike now — don’t let me suffer endlessly.
Let body sizzle, let the soul cry loud,
Throw me into fire and let the flame
Rise to the sky!